October 20, 20147 Comments

“Astrology for the Astrologically Challenged” By Deborah Smith Parker

Many of you have noticed that I’m a bit intense. Well, OK, more than a bit, but at least I weave in a little wit. However, for the past two and a half years (and you’ll be hearing more about this in my next post) my progressed Moon has been in Scorpio, which is like being kidnapped by Pluto, kept as a chained captive in the dark, and after a seemingly interminable time, finding bits of treasure buried in the Underground. These you get to take with you when you leave. That’s the whole point.

So I’ve been sprung—just last week! My Moon just entered Sagittarius. I can now roam and romp the countryside in sunlight—“living rough” as the English say. The best thing about Sagittarius is no fences. Well there are, but ask any Sagittarius if you pay much attention to them.

So now I’m going to post something just for fun. It’s not socially significant, or psychologically introspective, and it carries no penetrating insights. It’s just fun. And this story happens to be true. Remember this if you come to my home.

Dog HelpersDog Question

My husband and I have strict house rules for our dogs, and over the years we’ve lived in peace about 90 percent of the time. Anything on furniture, anything above the floor is ours. Anything on the floor is theirs, unless they dragged it from our territory to theirs. Then it’s war. War is usually about food.

Dogs are gluttons. I use that to my advantage under certain circumstances.

Take this kitchen scenario—OOPS! Food drops on the floor, something icky, something in the state of becoming, something not easily picked up. If you’re a non-dog person or have one of those little guys you can tuck under your chin, you sigh and haul out the sponge mop.

But for the past 21 years my husband and I have lived with Cattle Dogs. We simply stand and wait. Members of this breed will bore through dry wall to get to food.

Their big bat ears allow them to hear a spill as it leaves the counter. Like wide receivers racing after a ball not yet thrown, they streak into the kitchen to gobble the goodies falling from our territory to theirs. It’s only a matter of seconds before those efficient tongues are happily lapping and slurping and cleaning, even in those hard to reach corners!

I have to admit it, they’re good! They are so good that I don’t feel compelled to do much (well, OK—any) additional floor cleaning.

Dog people understand this. Non-dog people do not. However, I don’t want my guests to think they’re eating food I’ve pried from my dogs’ jaws (even though it has happened, but it was before cooking and I cut away the teeth marks), or that I’m just plain slovenly. So when caught in the act, I don’t exactly lie. I obfuscate. I evade. Here’s how I do it:

As a hostess I abhor
To drop food on the kitchen floor.
If it goes “thump” it doesn’t matter
As it does with some big “splatter.”
“Thumps” I scoop up like a ball
And hope nobody saw at all;
“Splatters,” though, go everywhere
Under table, stove and chair.

That’s when it’s my rotten luck
To have my guests come in and cluck
If through the kitchen they are crossing.
(Guests are very good at bossing.)
“Quickly, get a damp sponge mop,
It’s dripping off the counter top!”
I smile and nod, I’m very nice,
With all their clamoring advice
That inwardly I so deride;
I just call the dogs inside.

Two happy gluttons in they bound
And lap the floor of all they’ve found.
“That’s good enough for now,” I say,
“So let’s go eat and drink and play.
I’ll wash the floor when we’re all through.”
But then, of course, I never do.

Deborah Smith Parker is a professional astrologer and writer on many subjects. She is author of the newly released (2014) “The Horse that Haunts My Heart” and (2010) “Humanus Astrologicus,” both available in paperback and Kindle. To sign up to receive her blog or follow her on Twitter (@astro_logicus) and Facebook click to the right of this post.


About author:

Deborah Smith Parker is re-writing the often impenetrable language of astrology into a much friendlier form. She has spent her 30 plus years as an astrological consultant, writer, teacher and lecturer freeing the rich astrological images and their descriptions increasingly buried under modern clinical and technological descriptions. Her additional work in public policy has provided many outlets for demonstrating her ability to break down highly complex systems into information that’s easily understood.

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  1. Wonderful, Deborah! And just to make any lingering guilt feelings vanish when you pick up a Thunk off the floor (piece of chicken, a nice steak)… I read a LONG article recently saying that the 5 second rule not only works, but could be a one-minute rule. Except on carpets. Then it’s about 15 seconds. So germs don’t stick!

  2. Inez says:

    Big fun! I just finished a somewhat laborious edition of the New Moon Solar Eclipse meditation for my newsletter/website. This break to read and laugh was great. Congrats on your “new” moon.

    P.S. Doesn’t Sag rules horses? Your book, “The Horse that Haunts My Heart,” was, well, haunting, but in a good way. Thank you for that. I have to re-read it.

  3. Deborah – another classic – and I love that beautiful dog!

  4. Sally Myles says:

    Love it.

  5. Jill Estensen says:

    I can’t wait to let my Mom read this!!! She will love it too. Great fun and I DOOOO understand.

  6. Adrienne says:

    I do the same thing with my dog, and now since hanging chickens, I let them in to get all the microscopic pieces that have fallen in places my dog’s tongue can’t reach. The chickens wait patiently at the door and impatiently at the window to be let in to ‘clean’ the floors. There also great at getting insects that have taken residence near the floor boards. Thanks for the funny poem.

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